Mom and I had a fight.And as usual my brother has a lot to do with it.I'm not gonna tell you what exactly happened.The last thing I know I screamed on my mothers face saying "You'll never see me again".

It wasn't as cold as it was the day before but the sun still wasn't out.It wasn't too nice for walking but I did.I'm sort of having that goddamn walking in the rain emotional crappy feeling.So I started taking a fairly long walk around our village.AS I was walking, there's only one thing left to think -boy, I didn't have the faintest goddamn idea of where I was going.Suddenly the river got inside my exploding brain.And I couldn't get it off.I'm going to the river.To the place where yearly someone drowns and dies.It must have been me the river is waiting for after all.I've heard nobody got drowned since 2009 started.And I couldn't care less.I'm depressed and all.The scenario I've had with my Mon and my brother got into my nerve again.And there's only two things I'm pretty sure about.First, I'm an angry person.Everything was such a problem for me.Every little thing got on my nerves.I hate our house and all.Now I couldn't understand how something that's supposed to be called home didn't seemed to be like one.Crap! Second my feet are leading me to where I was picturing myself dead.Up the cliff -and the river's down under it.I have had bad experiences with water before.Like drowning in a pool during an Anniversary of Cartoon Network.I caught everybody's attention -they actually got out of the water with dread i think.Another is the death of my cousin,he died years ago and its obvious that water has a lot to do with his death.I was on my way to the river -my death(i think) but someone ruined that hell of chance! I ought to thanked him though-because if it is not for him I won't probably be able to post this thing-or I can! if I were a ghost! But I didn't stop walking.I couldn't just!I'm still up the cliff watching the clear waters of the river.Well I manage to take pictures of the river! Though I like it taking pictures of myself behind the wonderful scenery the goddamn thing got inside my head.I'm supposed to be like a madman and all -it's awkward to my situation.Walking alone!Looking back, I noticed I don't really have anybody to be with,especially when I feel this way.Nobody likes me I guess!I never found the companion that was as companionable as solitude though but knowing nobody cares!I'm really in the dumps!

Some things are hard to remember.I was thinking of how the goddamn thing happened?Man, I forgot!I couldn't remember the precise detail of what happened to me earlier at home.Didn't know why my mom reacted that way!?

Anyway I'm sitting on the cement floor in front of a chapel.I don't even know why there?Maybe my feet were tired and wouldn't want to be elsewhere than there!I'm supposed to be a devil and all.I was a headache at home but It came to me as if it's all my fault which is probably not my fault.Idk.I'm confused.I'm about to start praying but-boy I couldn't do it.I don't know why but pride and guilt has got something to do with it.The trouble with me is that I don't want to accept something I'm not even sure I did and I don't like listening to sermons and all.I might be talking blasphemy but I really don't feel like going into religious stuffs, you know? listening to sermons and all.In the first place my family doesn't go to church every Sunday I'm quite confused why.I never budge -what is, it's in favor for my likeness.I prefer praying but this time I think it won't work out.But i did it-just throw few lines to bro 'I'm sorry for everything I've done today! the other day and all before man existed -but I couldn't really remember what it was that I'm so sorry about-or perhaps screaming to the face of my mom'.Things are kinda boring in there so I started walking.I saw an old acquaintance and I don't feel well about it.It's maddening when something gets into your nerve and then somebody nice will appear to you and smile at you.Io, I fake a smile and run away -elsewhere.

I'm such a loser! I went back home!it's raining I'm afraid that I'll get soaked and all.So I went home.Sometimes I think the world sucks! and I suck of being in it.Goddamn it, I'm inside the house but I blew my cap once again.Grandma started a sermon because I was just sitting daw while she's doing something.Crap! I walked out.My Grandpa came and started asking a question "Where is your sister?" and I answered "I don't know".He asked another and another after the another.It goes round and round so he got into my nerve!"Shut up!" I said in my mind.Of course, I didn't want to do the same thing with him.I still have that poor amount of respect I missed to show at my mom.Awww..I wanna scream! I cried! I always do the crying every time It feels like the world is conspiring against me!

It's ridiculous! Strange! Bizarre! Weird! I fell asleep without noticing.Well everything was fine now! I chewed the rag with my mom.We were talking about my blog.I asked her to buy me a domain the other day! though I know she won't.She doesn't even know what the hell is a domain! She said I'm bluffing! who in the hell will buy something that never existed in actuality.
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