I haven't written anything about my love life.Theres so much to say that I don't really know where to start.Songs of the Heart.Before, I'm not really into listening love songs and all.I'm trapped inside my geekery.Fat,say obese and ugly.I hate my stubby nose it intimidates me from telling anyone I've got a crush on someone.And that was like ages ago.Now, I've mellowed to much.I'm not getting any younger that maybe it's about time to tell you things about my love life.Especially what had happened into the faceless affection I have for someone.It all started just last year.My first time to enter the halls and lobbies of college.My very first time to meet someone you can really name drop.I'm no name dropper but I just can't help it telling everyone about this girl I met in school.She has an alter ego superstar.She sings very well and all.She has videos on Youtube that I've played thousand times.She's my classmate.And not just that, she's a head turner in school.She wowed me when she first sang in front giving me goosebumps.She was so nice that it only took us days to be friends.Everyday with her had been heaven for me since i've got a crush on her.And allow me to clear things up she's just my crush.And that was like in the early days of first semester.She considered me her best friend since we've been intact since then.No lunch without her or there were but have valid reasons for them.I can't just let the day pass by without taking her on the "lets say" jeepney terminal.Then came August, the month I first had my heart broken.July ended without leaving tear tracks on my face.Of course I did not cry when I first had my feelings torn into pieces.But you know, and it's obvious that It hurts.August now,the whole month had been maddening and depressing since she's not with me anymore.She'd been with this guy the whole time that I used to hate those days.Don't worry, I still have my hopes up and I still collect my feelings until it finally blows.It all started, on their practice.Haha! I can still remember their very first practice.I was there, for a moment.I even faked a smile while taking them a picture.Oh! God why did you punish me with such a big heart when nobody wants to fill it.I went up running the stairs to check if they were doing something far beyond my imagination.I couldn't help but think of the wrong and think of daymares.Well, encase you're wondering, theres no such word as daymares but that happened daylight so I suppose I'm not gonna say I'm thinking of nightmares.I'm good for nothing! I'm ashamed of myself for that.Or maybe I'm good at something-Yes! I'm definitely good at dreaming.Running upstairs didn't do any good it just made them to suspect me from something I couldn't hide anymore.Days passed by without me having decent sleeps.I always think of things like she'll gonna marry him and all.Mark! you're such an idiot!! With those things making me sleep 3 in the morning I'd figured out that I'd better lie low for awhile.I just did.Never had long conversations with her for two weeks,didn't budge on answering her every questions and queries.Hiding myself, together with my feelings made everyone closed to us wonder and suspect.Prisoning myself didn't do any good at all.It just led them to the fact and concluded that I've got feelings for her.And that I'm jealous of this and that.I haven't noticed! I'm suffering when she's not around with me.But I'm much more at peace.I used to be upset all the time thinking of how she feels about my nonexistence.Sometimes I would spend the day blabbering,shouting,screaming in search for attention.Now, I'm tending to act like a total asshole.And for that I must say and must conclude "I really LOVE her, not just because I'm trying to forget others for her but also I also forgot about myself."Since then I limit my words and limit myself.It's been awhile since I've got something for myself.Instead of talking about my whole goddamn pilgrim I preferred daydreaming.Daydreaming about her, because I know at one point I'm still awake.I didn't know love can cause so much suffering.Well, who the hell told me to love her anyway?Why preferred suffering when I can move on?Moving on without her seemed so wrong.I still couldn't find a way out.I'm still capsized in a boat with sharks circling around.Day by day things are getting better since I've finally decided to ignore and control the affection I still got for her.Sides, it has always been my fault.Sometimes I always blame myself for getting into this kind of ordeal.I'm not learning to accept the cruel fate I'll have if I'll never do a move of either taking the plunge or walking home alone again and again.I sort of like it this way, enjoying things secretly.And I'm thinking will I get used to it?Let's just leave it that way for now.I'll update this as soon as I can.Ciao for now!!!
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